Friday, July 27, 2007

I have a cunning plan...

Ten minutes away from where we live, there is a billboard advertising massive amounts of weight loss through hypnotism. The first time I saw the sign, I stared at it for a moment, and then started to snicker.

"What's so funny?" Bede asked.

"I have a cunning plan. Instead of hypnotizing myself to lose 40 lbs, I'll hypnotize the rest of the world into thinking I've lost 40 lbs!" I said.

I was, of course, referring to the first episode of Blackadder II, set in the Elizabethan age, where Lord Edmund Blackadder (the descendent of Blackadder I, the younger son of King Richard IV) has fallen in love with his servant, Bob, who is secretly a maiden named Kate:

Wisewoman: Hail Edmund, Lord of Adders Black.

Edmund: Hello.

Wisewoman: Step no nearer, for already I see thy bloody purpose. Thou plot is, Blackadder thou wouldst be king and drown Middlesex in a butt of wine. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Edmund: No, no, no, no. it is far worse than that. I'm in love with my man servant.

Wisewoman: Oh well, I'd sleep with him if I were you.

Edmund: What?

Wisewoman: When I fancy people, I sleep with them. Oh, I have to drug them first of course! Being so old and warty.

Edmund: But what about my position, my social life?

Wisewoman: Very well then. Three other paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment.

Edmund: Oh good.

Wisewoman: The first is simple. Kill Bob!

Edmund: Never.

Wisewoman: Then try the second. Kill your self!

Edmund: Neu. And the third?

Wisewoman: The third is to ensure that no one else ever knows.

Edmund: Ha, that sounds more like it. How?

Wisewoman: Kill everybody in the whole world. Ah, ha, ha ...

I can tell you're not yet convinced this is funny. Fine. Maybe season 3 is more your style, with Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent:


goddess of clarity said...

Yippee!! Blackadder on a Friday!! You -- always with the brilliant ideas!

A favorite bit of Price George-ness:

Prince George: Well, now, look, Dr. Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even *I* know a book's got to have a *plot*.

Dr. Johnson: Not this one, sir. It is a book that tells you what English words *mean*.

Prince George: I *know* what English words mean -- I *speak* English! You must be a bit of a thicko.

Dr. Johnson: Perhaps you would rather not be patron of my book if you can see no value in it whatsoever, sir...

Prince George: Well, perhaps so, sir! As it sounds to me as if my being patron of this complete cowpat of a book will set the seal once and for all on my reputation as an utter turnip-head!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Goddess: Ho boy, I'm guessing we could go on and on with the Blackadder quotes the way some people can go on with the Monty Python quotes. "Nob and Nobility" is my favorite:

Mrs. Miggins: We don't serve pies anymore! My French clientele consider pies uncouth.

Blackadder: I hardly think that a nation that eats snails and would go to bed with the kitchen sink if it put on a tutu is in any position to preach couthness.

--Alkelda "I have a plan so cunning I could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel" the Gleeful

galetea said...

I think I could probably recite series 2&3 by rote. :)

It was hard to convince my parents, who are used to him as the ascerbic Dr. House, that Hugh Laurie is actually a pretty funny guy.

Stormbringer said...

Goes "forth" is my favorite,

"Yes its not the only thing around here thats VERY small indeed, your brain for example Balderick is so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open there wouldnt be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit".