Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Potty Train

My dear Spinnerets,

(May I call you "The Spinnerets?" Yes, a spinneret is what a spider uses to produce silk, and yes, it comes out of the spider's posterior, but I use it in the sense to mean that you are fellow readers and lovers of stories. If I ever form a goth band, I'm calling it The Spinnerets. As I was saying...)

Whether or not you believe in the intercessions of the saints, I think a breakthrough happened yesterday, and your good thoughts and wishes had something to do with it. Last night, Lucia hopped out of bed and said, "Want to use the potty." I walked her to the bathroom, and she used the potty. Then, she went back to bed.

That's a miracle.

Someone in Monday's comments suggested a triumvirate of potty-training saints. There are still five days more to vote for the Patron Saint of Potty-Training, but between you and me, I suspect that Dymphna, Vincent Ferrer and Zeno are all involved in the project. The project is two-fold: (1) Help Lucia make the transition from diapers to using the potty (2) Help Bede and Alkelda hold onto their sanity. Personally, this potty-training ordeal is the most challenging part of parenthood so far. In fact, I've written a little song about it. It's a fast, blues-country inspired piece (think of Rosanne Cash's My Baby Thinks He's a Train). My song is called "The Potty Train," and it goes something like this:

The Potty Train

There’s a train my baby doesn’t want to ride
When it sounds her name, she tries to hide
Although she’s got first class and the passage is free
My baby claims, “This trip’s not for me.”


“All aboard, get on the potty train,
All aboard, leave your diapers at the door,
All aboard!” the conductor says,
“Bring a book or game,

but leave your diapers at the door.”

Will my baby listen? “Oh, no!” she chants,
(Though everyone else is wearing underpants).
“It’s a train I won’t ride, and I do not take bribes,
This potty train can leave me behind.”


Needed: third verse that has some sort of resolution

P.S. Bless you, MotherReader and TadMack. I appreciate getting a special prize for participating in the 48 Hour Challenge even though my feet skidded out from under me in the first inning.

P.P.S. HipWriterMama has these lyrics to add:

But...maybe I'll think about it when I'm good and ready.
Dymphna of Gheel is looking out for me mommy and daddy!
Smile and laugh as I throw away those diapers.
I don't need them no more. No more! I don't need them no more.

I'm tired of my tushy getting all wet and gooey.
So here's my great surprise!
It's time, it's time to hop aboard the potty train!
This time I am ready!


P.P.P.S. 08/15/07 I do finally have the last sets of lyrics to the song. I'll publish them at a future date.


Lady K said...

AWESOME!!! Hopefully this breakthrough will keep on breaking through that wall.

LOVED your song. LOVED IT!

HipWriterMama said...

How about this for the rest of the song?

But...maybe I'll think about it when I'm good and ready.
Dymphna of Gheel is looking out for me mommy and daddy!
Smile and laugh as I throw away those diapers.
I don't need them no more. No more! I don't need them no more.

I'm tired of my tushy getting all wet and gooey.
So here's my great surprise!
It's time, it's time to hop aboard the potty train!
This time I am ready!

Okay, it doesn't really go with your fun song. That's why you're the songwriter. And I'm not. Congrats to progress. Lucia's on her way!

limpy99 said...

I'm not sure how you could fit this in a song, but when our kids each turned 2, my wife stuck them on the toilet and said "We're done with diapers. Get used to the toilet"

And it worked.

No, her name is not Zeno.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

HWM: It's great. The meter's a bit different, sure, but when you're singing the blu-u-es, you can MAKE the lyrics fit. You could even make the lyrics part of the "talking blues" a la Woody Guthrie and Bob Dylan.

Lady K: Thanks a bunch! Things are looking so positive today (I always combine cynicism with hope) that I may take Lucia out to the store for her to choose new underwear.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Limpy99: Obviously, your wife rocks.

Fridaysweb said...

Ah, I remember the dreaded potty-training. I'm glad it's over for me. I will NOT help my daughters potty-train their young ones, if and when I have grandchildren (please not for several more years!), but I can give only one piece of advice: pretty panties. That worked, both times, for us. "If you want to wear pretty big-girl panties, you must keep them clean and dry..." It took less than a week - but we had to wait until both girls were ready. No matter what the Dr. Phil's of the world will say, a child will not properly train until he or she is ready. It's not just a mental thing, it's not a developmental thing, it's not even a "I want to be a big boy or girl" thing; it's a matter of independance that a child has to feel for themselves.

p.s. your Dymphna reference brought back some sweet memories. A long-ago net friend, with whom I've unfortunately lost contact with, used the screen name "Dymphna". It was fitting. I wonder where she is, today.

TadMack said...

Glee has to be shared, right? All the spinnerets know it's the secret to fun. I mean, who else but somebody fun makes up a potty training song?

Continue in joy,

Robin Brande said...

Okay, that song is HILARIOUS.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Friday: Lucia has a bunch of pretty undies. However, when we went to the store today to pick out new undies, Lucia chose "plain white." In fact, all day yesterday, she said she wanted "plain white" underwear. Where did she get that from? Certainly not I, who would have kvelled to all of the stripes, polka-dots and flowers. (Don't worry guys; there are trains, cars and other traditionally gruff images on boys' underwear).

By the way, my screen-name used to be "Lunardymphna."

Tadmack and Robin: Thanks so much. I'm proud to be in such good company.

MotherReader said...

Glad to send some cheer. You didn't win the challenge, but you made us laugh, and that's worth something.

GraceAnne LadyHawk said...

I love the idea of being a Spinneret. Thank you.

Lady K said...

All a.....all 'board for the Potty Train...

All a.....all 'board for the Potty Train...

Yeah...Not a huge Beatles fan, but it just came to mind.

I know, I'm a dork. It's not a mystery. LOL

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Lady K: I just don't get how you're not a Beatles fan and yet you're such a cool person. How is it possible???? The mind boggles.

GraceAnne: You're welcome! And thank you.

Lone Star Ma said...

I'm so glad things are going better! The LSB wanted Diego panties (I guess they weren't meant to be panties, but we call them that), and I got them for her, even though they have penis openings in them for which she has no real need.

My youngest brother was one of those late-trainers who had perfect control but just stubbornly wanted his diapers. This sort typically won't pee themselves without the diapers as they can hold it. Taking the diapers away and making him stay naked for a few days in the summer he was 4 until he was willing to put on the big boy pants worked for my mom. My eldest was one of those with little bladder capacity, poor awareness of the need to go until it was urgent and a deep, deep, sleep pattern besides and that was a lot more challenging. Starting around 2.5, there were several years of "partially potty-trained"...wearing panties by day and pull-up by night and lots of accidents. I hope Lucia's the first kind, but either kind resolves eventually!