Zeno of Verona

Chris Doyle of Reasonably Clever has a new LEGO Mini-Mizer (updated from the original). I used the original Mini-Mizer to make my Saints as Action Figures collection. I used the new Mini-Mizer to create the action figure for Zeno of Verona, the official patron of both children learning to walk and speak and fishermen. On this blog, he is the unofficial patron of children learning to use the potty:

The Woman and the Beard

Wilgefortis, a.k.a. Uncumber, a.k.a. Liberata, is the patron saint of women who wish to avoid arranged marriages. The legend of Wilgefortis is that her pagan father promised her in marriage to some guy after Wilgefortes made a vow of chastity. Wilgefortis prayed to God to remove her conventional good looks in order to repel her prospective husband. Immediately, she grew a luxuriant beard. Her father was outraged and had her crucified.

That's the legend, anyway. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, representations of Christ with long hair and wearing a long tunic prompted stories of a bearded woman who suffered martyrdom. Although Wilgefortis probably didn't exist in an actual historical timeline, I've got to admire a heroine who takes an alternate approach to the usual trope of fleeing from an unwanted marriage. In essence, Wilgefortis said, "Nyaaaahhhh! How do you like me now?"

My friend Marvin asked me to create a Wilgefortis action figure.* Marvin, here you go:



If I were designing my own Wilgefortis action figure from scratch, I'd model her features upon those of Jennifer Miller, a reknowned contemporary performance artist who happens to be a bearded woman.

One of the most popular searches that leads to my blog is "saint action figures"-- not statues, but action figures. Archie McPhee, take note. I appreciate it that you have statues of St. Gertrude (patron saint of cats) and St. Martha (patron saint of restaurant servers), but I want these representations to have hinges. They need bendy arms with hands that can hold accessories.


*Action figure created with the help of the Mini-Mizer.

Saints as Action Figures, Part II

Today's assortment of saints as action figures veers from the traditional and reveals through modernity that the saints are for All Time. I've noticed that the saints whose stories I find most intriguing are constantly coming up as apocryphal or (perish the thought) legendary. For example, Catherine of Alexandria, most famous these days for how she was tortured, i.e. the Catherine Wheel, is no longer on the calendar of saints. Most famously, St. Christopher has been removed from the calendar as well, provoking the ire of many people who wear his medallion.

1) Like St. Christopher, Catherine of Alexandria is one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers. She is my favorite patron saint of librarians, as she is much more of an approachable figure than the brilliant but curmudgeonly St. Jerome. In my book, Catherine of Alexandria gets her own action figure:



2) Amand of Maastricht, the patron saint of beer brewers and wine-makers, is a Frenchman. However, as I designed his action figure, he turned into an English bartender. His traditional accessories are a chair, a church and a flag. As an action figure, Amand holds two pints of ale.



3) The Archangel Gabriel is the patron saint of telecommunications. Traditionally, he plays a trumpet, but the only brass option in the Mini-Mizer was a baritone horn. The modern device in his left hand is a nod to the ubiquitous nature of mobile-phones. (Warning: wings are not detachable.)



4) Frances of Rome, patron saint of motorists, gets a complete makeover. Thus far, she is the only action figure saint to come with her own set of wheels. Note the tire-changing tools in her hands. As an action-figure, Frances of Rome is the very model of capability on the road.



5) I had never heard of Lydia Purpuraria before starting my research on this project. "Purpuraria," I learned, means "purple-seller." Lydia is St. Paul's first known convert, and is the patron saint of dyers.As soon as I read about this saint, I knew I had to make a purple action figure. The next time you decide to transform a shirt with a box of RIT, remember Lydia Purpuraria.

Saints as Action Figures, Part I

Lesa Bellavie of The Magdalene Review linked an article from the New Yorker called The Saintly Sinner, by Joan Acocella. While I am always interested in articles about Mary Magdalene, it was this particular paragraph about saints that caught my eye and made me laugh out loud:

A religion, in order to succeed, must offer a little fun: stories, symbols, rituals. The Catholic saints, however ill-founded their biographies, are a vivid group, each with a certain kind of hair and a certain hat, and accompanied by a lion or a dragon or something else interesting. They are like a collection of dolls or superheroes, or like the Hindu pantheon—full of color and variety.

It's true! We need our dollies or [hem, hem, important dignified coughing] action figures. While one can find certain saint statues, they're more for display than for play. The Seattle-based novelty store, Archie McPhee, does its best, but I shall humbly submit a few additions to the collection. It was Hitman J who introduced me to the ridiculously addictive Mini-Mizer and gave me cause to dream of action figures of my own.

1) Starting off the grand opening of Saints and Spinners Action Figures is none other than Mary of Magdala, known to many as the patron saint of hairdressers, glove-makers, and penitent sinners. As an action figure, the Magdalene is depicted here in her role as the Myrrhbearer:



2) Caedmon of Whitby, about whom I wrote recently, gets a whole tableau to make up for the lack of saint medallions commemorating his contribution to English poetry:




3) Lucy of Syracuse is often depicted with her eyes on a plate, and yet with both eyes in her head. With a little tweaking, I was able to come up with the appropriate symbolism (and of course, the eye-patch is a nod to my own daughter's early adventures with her eyeball, when we thought patching the strong eye might help the PHPV eye):



4) Lawrence of Rome, the patron saint of chefs, was roasted alive on a gridrion over a slow fire. At one point, he allegedly said "Turn me over; I'm done on this side!" If anyone deserves a "Good Sport Martyrdom Award," it's definitely St. Lawrence:



Let me make one thing clear: had I been in St. Lawrence's position, I definitely would have complained.


To be continued...