The Prince and the Pauper and the Porpoise

My daughter has selective hearing. Bede mentioned something about wanting to have lunch with his friend John, and Lucia somehow heard "John Paul." She asked where "John Paul" was. Bede replied, "It's just John." So, Lucia asked, "Where's Paul?" Quite often these days, Lucia is insistent that she heard a certain word and continues to harp upon it long after we've tried explaining, redirecting, ignoring (no, it doesn't work) and finally burying our heads in our hands. I am reminded of this exchange in the last episode of Blackadder III between Edmund Blackadder (a butler) and Prince "Thick-as-a-Whale-Omelet" George, the Prince Regent of England, as they work out a disguise to fool the Iron Duke:

Prince George: Oh fantastic, yes, dressing up. I love it. It's just like that story, ah, "The Prince And The Porpoise."

Edmund: "..and the Pauper," sir.

Prince George: Oh yes! Yes yes yes, "The Prince and the Porpoise and the Pauper."

Later…

Edmund: Don't even try to work it out Baldrick. Two people you know well have exchanged coats and now you don't know which is which.

Prince George: I must say I'm pretty confused myself! Which one of us is Wellington?

Edmund: (exasperated) Wellington is the man at the door.

Prince George: Oh. And the porpoise?

Edmund: ….Hasn't arrived yet sir. We'll just have to fill in as best we can without it. Sir, if you would let the Duke in.

I have a cunning plan...

Ten minutes away from where we live, there is a billboard advertising massive amounts of weight loss through hypnotism. The first time I saw the sign, I stared at it for a moment, and then started to snicker.

"What's so funny?" Bede asked.

"I have a cunning plan. Instead of hypnotizing myself to lose 40 lbs, I'll hypnotize the rest of the world into thinking I've lost 40 lbs!" I said.

I was, of course, referring to the first episode of Blackadder II, set in the Elizabethan age, where Lord Edmund Blackadder (the descendent of Blackadder I, the younger son of King Richard IV) has fallen in love with his servant, Bob, who is secretly a maiden named Kate:

Wisewoman: Hail Edmund, Lord of Adders Black.

Edmund: Hello.

Wisewoman: Step no nearer, for already I see thy bloody purpose. Thou plot is, Blackadder thou wouldst be king and drown Middlesex in a butt of wine. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Edmund: No, no, no, no. it is far worse than that. I'm in love with my man servant.

Wisewoman: Oh well, I'd sleep with him if I were you.

Edmund: What?

Wisewoman: When I fancy people, I sleep with them. Oh, I have to drug them first of course! Being so old and warty.

Edmund: But what about my position, my social life?

Wisewoman: Very well then. Three other paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment.

Edmund: Oh good.

Wisewoman: The first is simple. Kill Bob!

Edmund: Never.

Wisewoman: Then try the second. Kill your self!

Edmund: Neu. And the third?

Wisewoman: The third is to ensure that no one else ever knows.

Edmund: Ha, that sounds more like it. How?

Wisewoman: Kill everybody in the whole world. Ah, ha, ha ...


I can tell you're not yet convinced this is funny. Fine. Maybe season 3 is more your style, with Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent: