Monday, April 27, 2009

Contest Submissions Round-Up, Part II

As promised, here is Part 2 of the Unnecessary Children's Book sequels contest. Part 1 can be found here. You can find Minh Le's links to the graphics for the prizewinners here. Please send me a note if I inadvertently left your submission out of the round-up. I had a system going, but there were a lot of titles to keep track of! Just so you know, none of the submissions were disqualified due to being "overtly lewd and offensive". All I wanted to do was to avoid titles that would be better suited for the marquee of Seattle's Lusty Lady peep-show theatre.

Here's the roundup:

I. Eric Carle

Children's study of life cycles continues in Eric Carle's new The Very Hungry Bird (eats The Very Hungry Caterpillar).
--K.F.

The Very Hungry Dragonfly Nymph
"In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a blob of algae."
--Schelle, Brand New Ending


The Very Bulimic Caterpillar
Caterpillars aren't supposed to be fat because fatness is unattractive, also it's unhealthy. One little caterpillar learns an important lesson in this colorful picture book about what to do if you feel waaaay too full!
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt

The Very Constipated Caterpillar
In which the caterpillar eats too much and then feels rather uncomfortable.
--Jamie Michalak

II. Maurice Sendak

Chicken Soup with Organic Whole Grain Texmati Rice
Maurice Sendak's classic gets updated for the modern health-conscious era and loses something in the translation. Kid throws soup, soup gets everywhere, mom's finding grains of rice in the carpet months later, and nobody is happy.
--a.fortis, Finding Wonderland

Finally, after a long writing year, and a cross-country vacation with his eight grandchildren, wise New Yorker Maurice Sendak celebrates a new season of love and family togetherness with his newest picture book, that's a sure hit with Moms and Dads everywhere -- Oh, Yeah Once, Oh, Yeah Twice: Oh, Yeah, Bourbon Neat, No Ice.
--Tanita Davis, Finding Wonderland

III. Kevin Henkes

Lilly's Purple Plastic Hearse
In this emotional tale of loss, the irresistible heroine of several domestic mouse dramas is mourned by friends and family after a devastating marker-sniffing incident in the famed Lightbulb Lab. Having sentenced herself to yet another time-out in a self-made Uncooperative Chair in Mr. Slinger's classroom after being scolded for a bit too enthusiastically wanting to interrupt sharing time with her positively peachy purple plastic marker, complete with interchangeable nibs, Lilly's endless curiosity leads to tragedy. Don't miss this opportunity to talk to your children about the irreversible dangers of Inhalant Abuse.
--Jules, Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Lilly's Louis Vuitton Bag with Little Fluffy Dog Inside
Lilly always knew she'd be famous, and now she really is, only she's not into plastic these days. (Except for credit cards. Obviously.) Check out this story of starlet Lilly with her designer bag--she carries Biffycakes everywhere she goes!
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt

IV. Robert McCloskey


One Afternoon in Akron
Sadly, the beloved Robert McCloskey missed the mark on this collector’s rarity, in which young Sal goes along with her father on a visit to the accountant. Not McCloskey’s finest.
-- Hannah Mahoney
Copy Manager
Candlewick Press

Genetically Modified Blueberries for Sal
No bears were harmed in the making of this book, which introduces a little girl named Sal to the wonders of modern agricultural hybrids. (If you want to see a bear, you should go to the zoo! It's much safer that way.)
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt

V. Dr. Seuss

Would You Like Trichinosis? by Dr. Seuss
In this very special sequel, Sam-I-Am reveals the downside to eating green eggs and ham.
--Adrienne Furness, What Adrienne Thinks About That

The Fish was Right
Sally and her older brother are grounded for allowing strange things and cats into the house. Sequel to The Cat in the Hat
--Greg W.

How the Grinch Only Borrowed Christmas
The hopeful tale of a legal case involving a green guy. In an early attempt at a plea bargain, local defense attorney Q. Smork Egglemore asserted that the Grinch did not in fact steal Christmas, as had been alleged in an earlier book, but rather merely borrowed it. The return of hundreds of missing gifts seems to bode well for the Grinch's defense, as does the character witness of a Miss Cindy Lou Who, despite the girl's eyes having been Bambified by the notorious Chuck Jones. Local legal commentators feel the outcome will be probation and community service for the reclusive mountain man. (Er, mountain creature.)
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt


The Chlorax
Recently discovered in a trunk of manuscripts buried in the garden of Dr Seuss's nanny, this unexpected sequel to The Lorax chronicles the effects of unrestrained Truffula Tree planting:

they grew in the fields,
they grew in the roads,
they grew upon houses,
they grew upon toads,
and however you faced it,
looking up, looking down,
those Truffula Trees
simply smothered the town!

In desperation, the citizens march en masse to the Street of the Lifted Lorax and plead with the Once-ler to invent a solution. From his stockpile of industrial sludge, he produces The Chlorax - but is it what they really need?
--Schelle, Brand New Ending

VI. Laura Numeroff

Laura Numeroff salutes activism in her sequel, If You Give a Pig a Pamphlet, telling the story of how just one pig really can make a difference.
-- Jason

If You Give a Mouse a Prune
It's a very short book.
--Jamie Michalak

If You Give a Tapeworm a Cookie
Up till now, Numeroff and Bond have focused on what happens outside the tummy of adorable creatures like a little mouse, a medium-size cat, and a nice big moose. Now they take us inside someone's tummy to follow the adventures of a nameless, yet equally darling young tapeworm. His adventures are more twisty than circular, but once again, the author-illustrator team works their magic.
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt

VII. Virginia Lee Burton

Michelle Mulligan and the Steam Shovel
Unbeknownst to most, Mike Mulligan owed most of his knowledge of large earth moving shovels to his older sister Michelle. While the other girls were playing under trees with dolls and their brothers, Michelle was teaching Mike the fine intricacies of cellar digging on a small scale for the forest animals of Popperville to store their winter food. Recently dug up from the archives her story is now known in Michelle Mulligan and the Steam Shovel- she went on to be a ground shaker in women's liberation!
--Mamaroots

The Little House is Razed
After being saved from demolition in the 1940's, the Little House falls victim to subprime mortgages and MacMansion development.
-- Rocco Staino and Cynthia Sandler

Mike Mulligan and his Ethanol-Powered Plow
Mike Mulligan decides to go "green" and builds a plow that runs on the ethanol he manufactures using a Depression-era still in an old shed on his farm in Iowa.
--Elaine Magliaro, Wild Rose Reader

VIII. A mix of authors

Leap, Pounce, Cha Cha Cha
A sequel to Sandra Boynton's incredibly successful MOO BAA LA LA LA, featuring the Philadelphia Chickens.
--Schelle, Brand New Ending

Follow the adventures of an aspiring calf from the meadow to the market in the sequel to the ever-popular Arlene the Sardine entitled Louise the Head Cheese.
--Jason

Miss Nelson Is Still Missing and Presumed Dead
A tragic picture book written in the aftermath of one of the country's most troubling news stories. Denver police have concluded that Miss Nelson, who went missing after a particularly virulent encounter with a group of schoolchildren, should be presumed dead. Apparently a little black dress with blood on it was found discarded in an alley. DNA tests are still being run, but things don't look good for the absent educator.
--Kate Coombs, Book Aunt

The charming and delightful sequel to Whistle for Willie, Ezra Jack Keat's Holla for Hadassah tells the story of a delightful six year old who wants to learn to mix it up with her Uncle Mordecai. Follow her through her neighborhood as she picks the neighbor's roses and experiences the power of a bellow, then hears a shout as she makes footprints on freshly laid concrete. Finally, after her mother puts her in time out, her own voice rises as she becomes a hollaback girl...
--Tanita Davis, Finding Wonderland

Polyester

In this sequel, Corduroy bear makes a new friend, a plastic puppy dressed in an ill-fitting purple polyester jumpsuit. Throughout the new friends’ adventures, poor Polyester is always rather grumpy. “This fabric just does not breathe in the heat!” is his endearingly cranky refrain.
--Hannah Mahoney
Copy Manager
Candlewick Press

Two titles by KF:
Officer Buckles In Gloria: A Seat Belt Safety Story
Ezra Jack Keats presents The Day It Didn't Snow At All.

Three titles from MamaKopp of Live'nLearn:

Rosie's Nap (Rosie’s Walk)
Daydream In The Classroom (Nightmare In My Closet)
Mole Sings The Blues (Mole’s Music by David McPhail)

That's the whole show! Thanks so much to everyone who shared their creative sparks.

7 comments:

tanita davis said...

We are a seriously amusing group of people...

Jules at 7-Imp said...

Seriously. Can you and Minh PLEASE do this next year?

Lone Star Ma said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!

Vivian said...

This is fantastic!

Lori said...

Good lord, this is too funny. Just had to explain to the husband what I was laughing at and he didn't seem to have the same immediate reaction to "If You Give a Pig a Pamphlet."

Hannah M said...

Thanks, everyone, for some much-needed chuckles at my desk this morning -- along with several guffaws of the sort that really get your coworkers wondering! (I'll have to send them the link.) These are, as we say in Boston, WICKED funny. And thanks to Minh and Farida for thinking up this silliness.

And Farida: My little white kitty is the cutest thing EVER! I promise not to put her in a nature table scene that features a hurtling meteor. (She's on our kitchen windowsill among other small animals and a variety of handmade flowers.)

Again, thanks for the laughs -- good medicine!

Yat-Yee said...

So many creative minds out there! Thanks for the contest. You must do it again.