Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Furious George: A CBTNW guest post

Minh Le of Bottom Shelf Books has done it again! Presenting the newest installment of Children's Books That Never Were by the guest blogger who makes me laugh until I weep provides dignified commentary on the gripping socioeconomic issues of children's literature today:




From: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org (Hanna Rey)
To: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com (Chadwick Q. Fraswell III)
Subject: Book Query

Dear Mr. Fraswell,

Attached please find my manuscript for Furious George: Father Knows Best. As the granddaughter of the legendary H.A. Rey, I feel a particular need to continue the Curious George story, but updated with 21st Century sensibilities. In this latest installment, George Sr. is understandably furious at the kidnapping of his son. The only clue he has is that the man was dressed "all in yellow". Furious George travels across the world in search of this culprit. The journey takes years, but George Sr. will not be deterred. The book ends with a climactic confrontation between George Sr. and the Man in the Yellow Hat. I won't give the ending away, but let's just say that justice is finally served. I hope you enjoy the manuscript and if you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Hanna A. Rey

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From: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
To: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
Subject: Re: Book Query

Dear Ms. Rey,

First of all, let me tell you what an honor it is to be corresponding with someone of your regal lineage. Second of all, let me tell you that your manuscript totally rocks! I'm currently working on a deal to present Furious George to my supervisor. In the meantime, may I ask what made you want to take the George series in this new direction?

Sincerely,

Chadwick Q. Fraswell III
Editorial Assistant
Children's Division
Sharper & Crow

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From: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
To: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
Subject: Re: Book Query

Hi Chadwick,

I'm glad that you are excited by the idea! I first decided to take on this project last year. Curious George Industries was preparing a defamation lawsuit against Bottom Shelf Books for their blasphemous review of Curious George. We were prepared to take them to court, but we dropped the case when we realized that BSB had no money. But the whole affair did make me think that it was time to update the series. I had taken a couple of literary criticism classes as an undergraduate and viewing Curious George through a post-colonial lens was uncomfortable to say the least.

To set the record straight, I know that my grandfather was a kind man... he was just a product of his times. I thought it was important to write a book that would protect his legacy from modern criticisms. But I'm rambling. We can discuss this further later. Is there any other information you would need from me before we move along with this process?

All the best,

Hannah

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From: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
To: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
Subject: Re: Book Query

Hannah,

Lit Crit classes? I do believe you are a woman after my heart. I would love to discuss this project with you further... perhaps over drinks?

C.Q.

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From: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
To: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
Subject: Re: Book Query

Dear Mr. Fraswell,

I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression. I would prefer it that we keep this relationship on a professional level. I would be happy to continue our correspondence via email or a scheduled conference during business hours. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Hannah Rey

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From: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
To: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
Subject: Re: Book Query

Come on... just one drink? Nothing seals a book deal like a couple of martinis. ;)

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From: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
To: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
Subject: Re: Book Query

Mr. Fraswell,

I have decided not to pursue a professional relationship with Sharper & Crow and will be taking the Furious George project to another editor. Please be aware that I will be contacting your editor, Mr. Garrulous MacKenzie, about your suspect professionalism.

H. Rey

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From: Frasizzle@sharpercrow.com
To: hanna.rey@cgeorge.org
Subject: Re: Book Query

Oh crap. Not again. I should have learned my lesson after I made that unfortunate pass at Margaret Wise Brown's niece. Crap.

8 comments:

Timothy Carter said...

Hah! That was awesome! And I love the idea for Furious George, too. I would totally buy that book.

MotherReader said...

Furious George was certainly a book that should have been made. Alas, now the world will never know its glory.

Schelle said...

rofl :D Wombat is a recent discoverer of Curious George - he loves it so much I can get him to eat bananas just by reminding him that George likes them... and of course, I had to make him a George doll for Christmas - it is now less than a month old and has been patched many times already! (I guess Curious Georges should be made out of something more durable than felt!!!) Thank goodness he hasn't asked for a 'man in the yellow hat' doll yet...

Furious George said...

Man in Yellow make George so angry! You no like George when he ANGRY!!! RRRRROWR!!!

TadMack said...

YES! Now, THIS is a book I would read, a series I think should come to TV in annoying little half-hour snippets in NickJr -- Furious George Kicks... Bum.

Lone Star Ma said...

Ha! I had not remembered the story of Curious George well in adulthood - just the pleasant parts. when I sat down to read it to the Lone Star Girl when she was little, I was HORRIFIED.

HipWriterMama said...

Go, Furious George! This is great!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Timothy: I would, too.

MR: Curse that Chadwick and his penchant for hitting on family members of famous children's book writers.

Schelle: I really like it that you made him a George dolly. Yes, felt is lovely but doesn't hold up to much rough and tumble play.

Furious George: I'm so with you. Man in Yellow is a colonialist kidnapper who has no clue on how to raise children or monkeys.

TadMack: Where would we be without annoying 1/2 hour snippets?

LSM: Yes! Imagine how I felt when I sat down to read The Travels of Babar, too.

HWM: That Minh Le is brillant.