Monday, October 29, 2007

Witty Responses from the Crowd, Please (MotherReader, I'm Looking At You)

At my Halloween party gig yesterday, I had the kids jumping and dancing to "There Ain't No Bugs On Me." After it was over, they still seemed as if they needed to get some of their wiggles out, so I said, "I'm going to play another dance song."

One child said, "No way! Not another dance song!" Other kids who had found themselves perfectly happy dancing soon took up the cry. I replied, "It's fine. Those of you who don't want to dance can clip-clop and trot like horses," and launched into "Hop Up Ladies." Still, a bunch of the children gravitated away from the program toward the whizzing, beeping electronic train-set. Some of the adults herded the children back toward the stories, but I found myself wishing I could channel MotherReader's snappy on-the-spot wit instead of my more delayed "I should have said this..." ruminations later on.

So my question to you is, what are some of your snappy answers to inconvenient comments and questions? I know there are those of you who would respond with humorously offensive answers (or at least claim to do so!), and yes, I will laugh at your responses. However, I'm also looking for actively helpful witty lines that command respect and awe. Here are some examples of things I might hear in the course of my career:

1)I don't WANNA 'nother story!
2)Are you done yet?
3)(Grownup interrupts the story to quiz the children on what they just heard)
4)Oh no, not a song!
5)This is for babies! I wanna play video games instead!
6)Is it my turn to tell a story yet? (My standard answer is "It's your turn to listen right now.")
7){Child blurts out the punchline to a surprise ending}

I'll let you know what I would say in each of these cases, but I want to know what you, my dear readers, would say. Or wish you would say.


jules said...

Oh, I'll have to think on those, but I'm like you -- I think of a witty response about five hours later when there ain't no zing.


Noodle said...

I don't know that it's helpful, but I'll try!

My children occasionally do the "I don't wanna hear that story!" (a new one, as opposed to an old favorite). My response is almost always, "You won't know that until after you've heard it."

Most of my comebacks are snarky and sarcastic rather than witty and helpful. :-/

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Yeah, it's tough. The zingers I do think of don't necessarily play out in real life. Who was it who said, "Most people are not funny most of the time, and most funny people are not funny most of the time?"

Lone Star Ma said...

I'm stumped.