Tuesday, June 05, 2007

"Covet Thy Neighbors' Possessions" Board Books

The following book was one that Garrulous MacKenzie, junior editor of Children's Books That Never Were, actually wanted to publish. However, MacKenzie's vision severely clashed with the marketing division:


The manuscript:

That’s not my automobile…
Its paint is too shiny.

That’s not my automobile…
Its gas mileage is too efficient.

That’s not my automobile…
Its motor runs too smoothly.

That’s my automobile…
Its bird poop stains are just right!
(For easy identification, that is.)


Other proposed titles for the series:


That’s Not My House… its porch is too tidy.
That’s Not My Lawn… its weeds are too small.
That’s Not my MP3 Player…its hard-drive is too big.


Here is MacKenzie's reluctant rejection letter to the author:

Dear Fiona Watt,
Your proposed board-book series is the sort of submission of which every editor dreams. It’s funny, it’s cynical, and it’s thoroughly modern. However, the marketing division here at A Star Is Born Books thinks otherwise. “We need something less hard-boiled and something more touchy-feely in our line of board books,” they told me. “However, we do like the line of reasoning Fiona Watt takes as a matter of course. Ask her to write a series involving cuddly animals and we’ll insert some sandpaper, corrugated cardboard and sparkly foil into the pictures. But hey, she could even include a dinosaur or a loch ness monster as long as the animal in question happend to be cute. It’s more about the glitzy presentation than it is about the story.”


So, that’s the message. I heartily recommend that you resubmit your story ideas as board-books for grownups a la Lisa Brown’s Baby Mix Me a Drink.

Sincerely,
Garrulous MacKenzie
Junior Editor of the Children’s Division
A Star is Born Books

9 comments:

Lady K said...

That would be a GREAT book! A real page turner! ;-)

McSweeny slays me with the description of "Baby Mix Me a Drink." LOL!!!

limpy99 said...

Where oh where can I find a Baby Mix Me A Drink???

Lone Star Ma said...

My real baby loved the monster and dinosaur ones, though...

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

LSM: Lucia loved That's Not My Dinosaur... too. I think I would have liked the rest of the series had it been along the lines of "That's Not My Griffin, Minotaur, Yeti," etc.

Limpy99: You can get the Baby Mix Me a Drink (plus Baby Make My Breakfast, Baby Fix My Car, and Baby Do My Banking) via McSweenys' website, Amazon.com and other usual online places. You could ask your local independent bookseller to order the book, too.:)

Lady K: Baby Mix Me a Drink really is an attractive book. I got it for a friend of mine recently.

Fridaysweb said...

Okay, so here...
That's not my cat
she doesn't hiss at me

That's not my dog
his coat is too shiny

That's not my bird
....
....
....
....
....
It doesn't poop on my car

HipWriterMama said...

Too funny! So how do you put together your book covers?

Lady K said...

Re-visiting, I meant to tell you that I am reminded of the Talking Heads song, "Letting the Days Go By." (I think that's the title.)

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

HWM: I put together my book-covers in Microsoft Publisher and then tweak them in Photoshop. I really should just sit down and learn Photoshop properly, though.

Friday: I know the one about the dog strikes home in particular! :)

Lady K: It's a great song! It's called "Once in a Lifetime."

Lone Star Ma said...

That WOULD be a cool series! That's Not My Cyclops...