Friday, May 11, 2007

The Casual Gourmet's Guide to Farm-Fresh Cats

By special request from Tadmack and Kelly Fineman, here is Children's Books that Never Were, Part 8:


From the editor:

Dear Mr. Santoro,

I just read the partial for your cookbook manuscript called The Casual Gourmet's Guide to Farm-Fresh Cats. I attempted to cook and serve some of the recipes to my staff, but they refused even to taste the dishes I created. The problem, I think, is that we live in the city, and only have access to the canned varieties of the required ingredients. I’ve asked vendors at the farmer’s market if they could bring in some fresh supplies, but so far, I’ve had no luck. Despite these setbacks, I have a good feeling about pitching your manuscript at the next monthly meeting. Maybe if you include some illustrations of the various dishes, we could expand the appeal of the book beyond its core niche audience.

If only I could get my hands on some farm-fresh cats! I may have to do a special order.

Sincerely,
Garrulous MacKenzie
Executive Sub-Junior Editor
SharperRowlings

10 comments:

Lady K said...

Laughing hysterically over here. There is something just hilarious about the term "canned cats." Then I couldn't get the "can-can" (sp?)tune out of my head. Talk about an earworm!

Just plain wrong, and I LOVE IT!

Lady K said...

P.S. Is Lucia feeling better? How did the grape leaves go over? Email me if you have time!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Lady K: I've been planning to email you for some time. I'll try to send it off today. There's lots to update! Re: Lucia, we didn't stay for snack, so the grape leaves came home. We'll see how today goes. There's a puppet-show at school this morning, so I'm hoping that'll make her feel more at ease.

MotherReader said...

Excellent! Love what you've done with this real - yes, real - title. Yum, yum farm-fresh cats.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

MotherReader: I'm glad you like it! I emailed Scott Santoro last night, and he was amused as well.

TadMack said...

Yes! You nailed it! Completely bizarre, and... just so...weirdly normal-sounding somehow... Like Farm-Fresh cats are what the most health-conscious consumer should strive toward, since really, only city-folk, who don't trouble themselves about most things (they can only manage house plants and no farming, after all) would consumed them canned... or flash frozen...

(And now I'm flashing on high school biology. Urg!)

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Tadmack: I showed my cats your comment and gave them a knowing look (i.e. "This is what is in store for you if you don't behave"). They fled from the room and haven't yet come out from under the bed. Mwa ha ha.

HipWriterMama said...

This is so funny! You are so very, very good at this. Hope today was a better day for Lucia!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

HipWriterMama: Thanks! This one I really do owe to the kidlitosphere. I'm pleased to report that Lucia had a much better day today. Now, we just hang on for the party tomorrow where most of her classmates come to hear Nancy Stewart do a birthday concert. Please, let my garden remain intact from the impact. Yee ha!

adrienne said...

Oh, this is brilliant! "Fifty cents a cat!" I'm still laughing.

I finally got a look at the real thing a few days ago and woo-hoo-weird book.