A Staple of Seaweed

This story is for Jen, who submitted the word "majickwerold."

Intrepid Harold, captain of the ship Sultana, was weary of laver bread. The ship’s cook was a Welshman, and normally, one could expect rarebit and bara brith. However, one of the sailors had stolen more than his share of the kitchen supplies. After the sailor had been discovered, drawn and quartered, Intrepid Harold felt much better, but only for a little while. All the sailor had left for the rest of the crew was the laver bread. It was high in nutrients, but Intrepid Harold was beginning to get sick of the taste of seaweed. It didn’t help that the traitorous sailor had eaten all of the bacon that made laver bread acceptable on a daily basis. As the rest of the crew quarreled and bickered among themselves, Intrepid Harold realized that he would have to do something to boost morale in order to brave the weeks ahead.

“I have an announcement to make,” Intrepid Harold said that evening. The crew grumbled as they gnawed on their laver bread, but one thunderous look from their captain silence them.

“This evening, we are going to have a talent show. There must be something to take our minds off of our current cuisine, and I believe this is the short-term solution.”

“Wot?” said one of the sailors. “Yew think this talent show will majickly make us forget our woes?”

“What a werold that would be,” another sailor said, snickering. “Blimey, but I would sell the entire werks of Shakespeare for one good piece of bacon.”

“What barbarians,” Intrepid Harold thought. “But then, they are hungry.” Aloud, he said, “Yes, we shall have a talent show, and as your captain, I shall go first. I have composed a poem. Here it is:

"A sailor named Intrepid Harold
Realized his crew would be imperiled
From hunger, while they groaned and quarreled,
For want of food in someone’s Majickwerold…”

“Boo!” said the sailors. “Boo!” They surrounded Intrepid Harold and in one motion, tossed him over the side of the Sultana. As Harold bobbed up and down in the waves, he watched the ship sail far away.

“Shucks,” said Intrepid Harold, as he grabbed a hold of a piece of driftwood. “I sure do wish I had some laver bread.”