Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A blurb about Brad the Gorilla

Galatea, I can't think of a single story that would involve a monkey. Ulric, I'm drawing a blank on anything remotely clever involving your "that's not cricket" phrase. Some days are like that. I submit this blurb for both of you simply to fulfill the requirements. I need to move on. Don't give up on me, just give me another word.

Respectfully yours,
Alkelda



Brad the gorilla has been in our family for a long time. Currently, he lives in the basement with my brother, Ulric. Brad is as vulgar as Ulric is courteous. He spills cornflakes on the floor in the kitchen and eats the leftover vegetable korma that I was saving for my lunch. Brad drives our car without permission and brings it back with dents and dings. (“At least he brings it back,” Bede says.) Brad sheds hairs in my bread bowls, chases the kitties, and teaches Lucia rude words like “mongoose” and “turnip.”

I suppose it’s “not cricket” to complain. After all, Brad makes incredible bananas foster and gives Lucia free guitar lessons. What monkey do you know who could do the same?

5 comments:

galetea said...

I'm satisfied. Those bananas foster sound nice though. Do you think they'd survive Fed Ex?

Nice booby, by the way. :)

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Galatea,
I'm glad you're satisfied. I learned to make bananas foster when I was in Scotland, so perhaps they don't have far to travel.

A bartender at my favorite bar invented a variation of the Spanish coffee drink called the "Aries coffee." It's quite a show. It's only proper to order it when there aren't a lot of people around, or else everyone wants a bit of his or her own fire.

andrew said...

You've got a boobie on your blog! Racy!

(Geoducks are kinda obscene, too.)

galetea said...

while on the subject of bananas and drinks, we ran into a superb shot in Banff called a Cowboy C**ksucker (I seriously have NO idea why) that consisted of banana liquor and baileys. Mmmmm.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Andrew,
You said "blog," heh heh.

Galatea,

I won't say it, but I'd surely drink it.

P.S. I just made you a poster for the band "Wet Amish Hootie" with special guests "Maisy Drives the Bus" and "The Pulp." I wish I had a band picture.